i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
