he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
