My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
