The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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