My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
