M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
