i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
