I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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