Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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