I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
