He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
