Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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