I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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