i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
