If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
