i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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