you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
