I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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