I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
