Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you had me at cake vodka
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
