this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
