my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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