youre lurking in front of me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
