hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
