If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
