i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
