That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
