I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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