I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think your dad took our porno
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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