Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It was confusing and full of hummus
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
