Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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