i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
In America we eat man semen.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
