I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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