Well apparently he's into motor boating.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
