Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
