I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
