don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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