wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
