More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
