If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i think i just lost a toe
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
