She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
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