You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
