You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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