its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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