i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
