I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
