tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
