don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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