Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
