grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
