after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
