this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think I just sharted jello shots
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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