Where is the hickey?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
