discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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