I'm really into asian looking animals
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
