it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
