the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
did you just send me my own nude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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