Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how can u be prego again
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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