I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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