I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
