Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
