I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize