People in love make me want to vomit
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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