I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
